Those two words send chills up the spine of even the most knowledgeable modem gurus. Being the Mac enthusiast that I am, I was certainly aware of the beleaguered history of Apple’s Express Modems. Nevertheless, after getting my LC 575, the idea of an internal 14.4 fax modem appealed to me. The Express Modem card for the LC 575 was also inexpensive, especially when compared to my other choice – a Global Village TelePort Mercury. Despite all the negative press, I reasoned that since the Express Modem had been around for a while, Apple had ironed out the bugs. I also concluded that, given the name, all Express Modems (be they for Duos, PowerBooks or even my LC 575) functioned identically, using the same settings files to log onto online services. Silly me.
The arrival.
My Express Modem arrived by courier on Wednesday, July 14th. I was excited to re-enter the world of high-speed telecomputing, having used a 2400 baud modem for 6 months. In addition, as I was in New Brunswick for the summer, uploading and downloading from Helix Online (a First Class BBS based in Ottawa, where I reside most of the year) was now prohibitively expensive. I tore open the package, plopped the card in my LC 575, and installed the software. I quickly attempted to log onto America Online (AOL).
I am surprised I still have any hair. I witnessed so many connection failures and line drops that I’m sure I pulled most of it out.
At this point in time, I concluded it was America Online’s fault. Because the AOL software I was using didn’t contain modem-specific settings, I assumed I was simply using an inappropriate modem string. I hooked up my old reliable 2400 baud modem and connected to America Online, fishing around in conferences for possible solutions to my problems. After about 15 unsuccessful minutes searching for info, I decided to call AOL’s 1-800 help line.
I spoke to two very helpful people at America Online, both of whom grumbled about the unpredictability of the Express Modem. The first gentleman I talked to gave me some modem strings to try. Unfortunately, I had no success with them and promptly called back. The second gentleman I spoke to thought that upgrading to America Online 2.1 would do the trick, as it utilized modem-specific settings. He gave me a 1-800 data line to call, where I could download the AOL software.
Surprisingly, I was able to log onto the 1-800 AOL support bulletin board using Z-Term (command-line interface ) at 14.4k with compression. I downloaded the software, started up the new application, selected the ‘Express Modem’ setting and…
Hair was flying everywhere again. I tried everything. I booted without RAM Doubler, Fax Sender, everything. I played around with the modem strings. Nothing I did could make this modem work with America Online. I gave up.
During the whole America Online fiasco, I had attempted a high-speed connection to a First Class bulletin board (Helix Online) a number of times, with no success. It was the same story: I’d connect, and the line would drop. As with America Online, The Express Modem settings in First Class were obviously incompatible with the LC 575 Express Modem.
The chase begins.
Just about bald, I called Apple’s Technical Answer Line and spoke to a gentleman by the name of Tim. Having not used an LC 575 modem before (as it was a fairly new product), and having been given no technical write-up on the modem, Tim had little advice for me. Apologetic and concerned, the only thing Tim could do was check to see if I was using the latest Express Modem software. Of course I was, I assured him. As I called up the Express Modem control panel and selected Get Info from the file menu, the voice through the phone said “1.5.2”.
My LC 575 Express Modem had shipped with version 1.1.2 of the Express Modem software! Tim reasoned that I’d have to get that version in order for the modem to function properly. “How wonderful of Apple,” I thought to myself at the time, “to ship a product that is virtually useless right out of the box.” And so began my quest for Express Modem software v. 1.5.2.
I was able to log onto Helix Online using Z-Term and maintain a high-speed connection. There I found version 1.5.1 of the Express Modem software, which I downloaded and installed. On the up side, the 1.5.1 Express Modem control panel at least recognized the modem correctly in its LC 575 incarnation. On the minus side, the computer froze every time I attempted to use the modem. Though not amused at this turn of events, by this time I was hardly surprised.
I reasoned that the modem was functioning properly–that is, that there were no hardware defects–because I had logged onto two BBS’s using command-line software. I had eliminated the possibility of the problem being a software conflict by trying multiple system folder combinations. And as I could still log onto America Online and Helix Online using my 2400 baud modem, I knew it was not the services which were at fault. The only hope left, I felt, was version 1.5.2 of the Express Modem software.
After 24 hours of frustration and about $30 in failed connections, I decided I’d had enough. I would place a call to the Apple Customer Assistance Centre, I thought, and demand that a technician place a data call to my computer, at Apple’s expense, and send me Express Modem software 1.5.2. After all, I justified, I have purchased 9 Apple computers, including 7 Macintoshes in the past three years. As a Macintosh salesperson and creator of an electronic magazine about Macintoshes, I deserved some respect! I busily scribbled down all the things I’d have to say…
Express Modem Software 1.5.2.
On the morning of Friday, June 16th, I spoke to Marlene at the Apple Customer Assistance Centre. I explained, in detail, the problems I’d been having. Her immediate response was that she’d check what version of the software was supposed to ship with the LC 575 Express Modem, and she’d call me back. She did, too, about 10 minutes later. She informed me that 1.1.2 was indeed the ‘correct’ version of the shipping software, but she’d courier me version 1.5.2. She seemed very concerned about my problems, even as I explained that I really needed the modem to work before the weekend, and that I’d like to know if she could find someone in the technical department to send me the software electronically. As I envisioned her asking me if I was out of mind, I prepared my I-am-a-loyal-Mac-user-and-you-really-should-respect-me sermon. Marlene then politely told me to hold the line while she called the technical department. In a few moments, she informed me that a gentleman named Jim from the Apple Technical Response Group would be giving me a call, to set a time up for the transfer.
After talking to Jim a number of times during the day, we decided he’d call me after I got home from work. At 4:45 Atlantic time (3:45 Eastern), the next fiasco began.
We couldn’t connect. After about 30 or so attempts and voice calls, we finally got a stable connection from his Mac to my LC 575. Throughput was horrible, though, and the transfer was taking much too long. At about halfway through the transfer, my phone rang.
Because we have call waiting, which I cannot turn off for incoming calls, an incoming call had broken through the transfer. Jim called back almost immediately, and we tried to re-establish the connect and continue the download. Surprise, surprise, we could not establish a high speed connection again. Obviously frustrated, Jim suggested we just finish the transfer at 2400 baud. At 4:45 Eastern time, the transfer was successfully completed–15 minutes after Jim was supposed to be off work, on a hot and humid Friday in Toronto.
Without delay, I loaded up 1.5.2. The modem still didn’t work.
At least this version of the software didn’t crash the machine. After all the work, time and money that went into determining the problem, failed connections and the like, I’d gotten nowhere. I was exasperated. I had just purchased a modem, for $325 or so dollars, spent about $45 on failed connections, wasted my time and many other peoples, and I had what was (in my mind) a useless, non-functioning product. I was far from amused.
Just when you thought it was over.
That night, I called the Apple Technical Answer Line and spoke to Tim again. I carefully explained all that had transpired, and that I was at my wit’s end. Once again, Tim was apologetic and concerned. After a good deal of thought he suggested I install Hardware System Update 3.0.
Off to the races once more, I called up Helix using Z-Term. For some reason, I now had a difficult time logging on, even using a command-line interface. Despite repeated failures, I eventually was able to download the system update and install it. Again, there was no change in the modem’s behavior. At that point in time, I was so beleaguered by the insanity caused by the modem, I vowed I’d call Apple back on Monday and demand my money back.
Saturday brought new hope. I sat down at the computer, Express Modem manual at my side, and decided I’d have to take matters into my own hands. After hours and hours of trial and error with modem string configurations, I finally made a stable connection to America Online. On Sunday, I made a stable 9600, no-compression connection to Helix Online. Ironically, after the personal hell I’d just been through, it was I who solved my problem, not any of the software I downloaded.
On the subjects of product and service.
On Monday, I called Apple as planned, but not to demand my money back. I called simply to let them know that the fiasco I had just been through was unacceptable. As service providers, Marlene, Jim and Tim were to be lauded for their effort and concern. It was much appreciated. This does not, however, excuse Apple from this matter. When any new product is debuted, service providers, especially those who work for Apple, should be aware of possible problems with the products and the solutions. Above and beyond that, Apple should not be manufacturing modem products with the same name which require fundamentally different settings files.
I am certainly a more advanced user than most. What kind of nightmare would Apple have if a novice user who bought themselves an inexpensive Macintosh LC system and Express Modem wanted to connect to America Online? Ease of use went right out the window with this product. If I was a novice user, and couldn’t get the product working after even one call to tech help, I’d demand my money back. The product should work out of the box, with minimal configuration.
For all the turmoil I experienced with my LC 575 Express Modem, for the $55 in long-distance and service charges trying to get it to work, for the valuable time I lost, Apple gave me nothing. Even as I explained to Marlene that Monday morning that I had bought the Express Modem because I was on a tight budget and now I had wasted a lot of time and money, all she could say was that she was sorry to hear about it. That was not acceptable either.
Customer service is about more than just being concerned and apologetic. It’s about more than just telling people they need new software. It’s about solving the customer’s problem, making wrongs right. Marlene was helpful. Jim went out of his way to get me that software. Tim tried his best to figure out what was wrong. But as nice as they all were, none of them could solve my problem. And in the end, I have a modem that barely functions and that was, in real terms, way more expensive than it should have been.
PostScript.
Though I regularly connect to America Online without incident, I have not been able to connect to Helix Online using compression settings. Below are the modem strings I have been using for my connections:
America Online (from within Canada):
Initialization String: AT&F&L0&Q0&V0\N0N0W0S37=6
Configuration String: AT&G2E0Q0V1X4\G0\X0S37=6
Helix Online (14.4k connection, no compression)
Initialization String: AT&F
Configuration String: AT&F&Q0S37=11E1V1X4W1Q0
MBAUD: 14400, MHWHSBAUD: 38400 
Hardware Handshaking, DTR Hangup and Carrier Detect OFF.
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